3 am low blood sugar wake-up.... Complete with the shakes and a lovely side order of anxiety.  I drank some juice and had some sweetened cereal to try to stabilize it but still have the jitters.  This, of course, will mean tomorrow is totally fucked.  *sigh*  Gonna try to sleep some more in a bit.  Wish the shakes would quit.

Mitch had really gotten out of hand with his drinking and it landed him in the hospital. And now it has worried me to the point that I'm there too. I just don't know what to do. I asked him to stop - told him it was ruining his health, even if it made him feel happier for a short while. He said he will stop and seems really sorry about it, but it still worries me that he got to this point to begin with. I actually had to fire him from the band overnight so the concert that night wouldn't fail. How horrible is that? I feel like somehow this is cause of something I did. I just don't know how to fix him. I just can't handle it anymore tho. If he doesn't quit it I don't know if I can be around him - it just has changed him so much. He is not the man I fell in love with when he is drinking. And he just gets so unreliable. He misses flights and stuff all the time, even when I am constantly trying to tell him when the flight is and such. Sometimes he forgets to buy tickets alltogether. I don't know what to do about it and it is really stressing our relationship. If things don't improve in that department, and fast, I may need to let him go from the band permanently. I just can't have a two person band with only one person committed to it being a success. And I don't think I can be in a relationship, much less a marriage, with someone who is only a shell of their true self. I also want to have a child some day, one which ideally would be adopted by Mitch as well. How could I bring a kid into this kind of situation though? What am I going to do about this. I am so upset about it I had to check back into the hospital after the solo concert. This is killing me inside. What can I do? What is there to be done?

37mm by AFI

Bring your secrets to me,
Just give me your hands,
And I'll let you feel the wounds.
They put in me.

If you believe in me,
How can I be dissolving?
If you'd believe me,
I'd tell you everything.

Do you fall too?
(everytime that I)
Yes, I fall.
(everytime that I)
Do you want to,
(try to pacify)

Fall into me?
(fall into me)
(fall into me)
Into me.

Silence can you hear me?
Press me to your lips,
And I'll suck the poison out.
Who will heal me? me..

If you keep killing me,
How can I keep absolving?
Your sins into me,
Begin the poisoning.

Do you fall too?
(everytime that I)
Yes, I fall.
(everytime that I)
Do you want to,
(try to pacify)

Fall into me?
(fall into me)
(fall into me)
Into me.

Time, time, time,
We're not, waiting.
Time, time, time
We're no one.

[distant:] unknown. unknown.

Do you fall too?
(everytime that I)
Yes, I fall.
(everytime that I)
Do you want to?
(try to pacify)

Fall into me
(fall into me)

Do you fall too?
(everytime that I)
Yes, I fall.
(everytime that I)
Do you want to,
(try to pacify)

Fall into me
(fall into me)
(fall into me)
Into me.

We are no one.
We are no one.
We are one.
We are no one.
We are,
We are no one.
We are no one.
We are one.
We are no one.
We are,
We are no one.
We are no one.
We are one.
We are no one.
We are,
We are no one.
We are no one.
We are one.
We are no one.
We are,
We are no one.
We are no one.
We are one.
We are no one.
We are. [in background of this "we are": no one]

I feel like I've been doing a demented version of the Hokie Pokie only with hospitals... I check myself in, Then I get let out, Check myself back in and wait around in doubt. I do the Hospie Pokie and it makes me wanna shout, "What is all this about?!"